Weddings bring out the best—and the worst—in people. No matter how much planning goes into the big day, there’s always a guest who gets in the way, whether they mean to or not. Before you attend another wedding, brush up on these faux pas to avoid being, well, that guest (and let the bride shine!)
You arrive too early.
Yes, being punctual is polite, but arriving to the ceremony more than 30 minutes early can get in the way of final touches and ultimately cause more stress for the couple. “It’s better to wait in your car than go into the venue and risk stressing out the bride by seeing her before the ceremony,” says the founder of Perfectly Posh Events, Holly Patton Olsen.
You get aggressive during the bouquet toss.
Being too forceful during this tradition simply isn’t a good look. “You don’t want to appear overly eager, nor do you want to come across as if you are catching a pass on the football field,” says national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “Allow the bouquet to land naturally in the direction which it is tossed, without any pushing or shoving—for the sake of appearance and civility.”
You grab a bottle from the open bar.
Grabbing a beer at an open bar? Totally fine. An entire bottle of champagne (or something harder)? Definitely not okay. “The last thing you want is to be the main topic of your friend’s wedding conversation,” says Gottsman. Keep it classy and let the waiter or bartender do the pouring.
You switch your order at a plated dinner.
If you’ve checked yes to “chicken” or “fish” on the invitation, changing your mind last-minute throws off the balance. One exception? If you learn that there’s an ingredient in your choice that you’re allergic to, in which case “politely asking to switch from fish to chicken may be appropriate,” says Gottsman. In any other situation, go with your original choice.
You take the vase full of flowers.
It’s an unspoken rule that wedding guests are allowed to take the floral centerpieces on the dining tables. That doesn’t mean vases are up for grabs, however. “You don’t want the couple to end up with a bill for your lapse of judgement,” says Spiegel.
You complain about the quality of the food.
Speaking of dinner, complaining about the food is flat-out rude. (And, truth be told, a bit tired.) “You will appear boorish and ill-mannered. Keep your opinions to yourself and be grateful you are included in the couple’s special day,” advises Gottsman. Even if it’s not a five-star gourmet meal, appreciate that the couple has likely invested quite a bit in the dinner—and it’s not about the food, anyway.
You ignore the dress code.
If a wedding invitation says “black tie optional,” showing up in a sundress and sandals simply isn’t appropriate—nor is showing up in a ball gown for a casual wedding. Do your best to stick to the dress code. This is especially important if there are religious reasons involved. For example: “If the ceremony is in a house of worship that requires covered shoulders,” says Anne Chertoff, wedding etiquette trainer at Beaumont Etiquette.
